remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
