question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
