i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
