I heard we made out
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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