I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
