I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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