i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I supernannyed him into submission
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
