you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
