Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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