i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
