Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I could fuck to npr.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
