spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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