I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize