I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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