you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
