I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize