I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
one might say we're banned from that church
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize