You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
