she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize