i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
