Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
