I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize