you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
