Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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