And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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