There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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