It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
