Did you just see the Batmobile???
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
