If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We left the knife in your bed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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