2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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