Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
