i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
