theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
