Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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