i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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