I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How external is "for external use only"?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
