anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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