come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
