Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will be naked everywhere
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
