it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
