i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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