i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
