she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
