when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
