fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize