The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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