my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
