Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my shit smells like andre
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
