i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
