how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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