Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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