I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
