The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
