There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
