This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
