lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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