dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
