I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
