He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
