I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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