I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
