And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
