I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
