and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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