At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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