Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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