A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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